Broken Spirt.

Hey you. Sorry its been a while, I've been wanting to talk for the last few days its just truly been bad timing. Thursday night i slept at eves and Friday i went out, its just been go go go the last few days. & writing you an essay from my phone just didn't seem right. Well Geez, a lot has happened. Thursday night at eves we just had dinner then Friday we got up and went pools/shopped. Well, she shopped. I wasn't really in the mood. Which is kinda crap, considering we were shopping for me and my birthday dress. I started looking over the last few weeks but i just haven't been in the mood. I figured i was just being lazy but Friday i realised my reluctance to find a dress is maybe because i don't really want to celebrate. I mean, whats the point. Its not a massive bday (No i will not tell you my age), And everyone i want to see i see on a weekly basis anyways. All the others, well it will be cute yeah but do i really care? No. The thing is its a bit of a cycle. You don't get excited until you have the dress. Yet, I'm not even excited or bothered to get the dress. Does this mean ill never be excited. My Birthdays the 17th, and we are celebrating on the 19th, so i still have a good few weeks. But meh, i dunno. Maybe i will just cancel the stupid thing.

Hmm. What else did i want to talk to you about. Oh yessssssssssssssssssss. Daniel. FML I WANT TO KILL HIM. I'm not going to get into the fight we had Friday night, what i mainly wanna talk about is how i feel like all my great nights always have 3 seconds of a bad moment. Yet, forever that's all you can remember. Friday night Eve Jou Danny & I, went out with Assad and the boys and it was the besssssssssst night. Taking into consideration the 45degree heat, it was still epic. On the way to the car Daniel and i had a fight. And i was pissed off the whole way home. And i still haven't spoke to him. Yes i know its only been 23 hours, that's a long time for us! But now all i can remember is the fight. Like all i can remember from a few weeks back was the aftermath of leaving my phone. & how charlies bday all i can remember is seeing Mel. Or how after Tiz's bday all i can remember is the Elie situation. Why is 3 seconds of bad, from 5 hours of good the only thing that ever sticks in my head. I hate that. I hate THIS. I'm not calling him first, screw that. He can call me. Ergh.

This whole weekend I've had a bit of a broken spirit. I don't know why. Ive been overly emotional, crying at the drop of a hat. I just don't feel happy the last few days, i don't feel myself. & i don't know if its just the humidity because the heat has been getting to me, or if its truly just a combination of a few different things. Not a lot has gone right the last week. Ive been bickering with my mum, jou has been pissing me off again, and the fight with Daniel just topped it all. My spirit isn't fully in tack. And i think maybe that's why i declined all the invites for tonight also. (there you go, if you were wondering what I'm doing home on a Saturday night) I just new that, well, id be bad company tonight. It must be a little obvious too cause my closest friends can tell something is up. Sarkis has been bugging me all week to tell him whats wrong. I honestly cant even describe the feeling thou. I feel like this week, nothing has enlightened me or fed my soul. Everything has just been so bland. How do you explain that to a boy. I love your persistence sark.

So anyways, on a more exciting note. More more thing to tell. I got one of those jobs i went for. Yay me. I start Monday (yeah, like two days Monday) Its a little scary, especially to be chucked straight in and to be managing people that have been there a lot longer than me. But they think i can do it, then I'm sure i can do it. Its exciting. I'm looking forward to the challenge. As for Europe, I'm still working towards that. Hopefully i can get some time off to travel for a little while in about July, and if i decide i want more time we will just take it as it comes. I haven't decided in what direction that is going just yet - but i just figured opportunities don't come around all that often and i just had to take this.

There is so many other things that have happened over the last few days but i just don't have time to elaborate. Staying at Eves made me realise how weird it is that people you grew up with side by side, can suddenly feel like strangers. Eves Brothers and i used to be inseparable. And now i feel like a simple conversation is difficult. I realise that people will always act different around their boyfriends, girlfriends. I realise that for guy friends no matter how close you have always been, the girlfriend is still always insecure about it. I realise that this is just what comes with the territory of being a guys girl. This weekend i also noticed how empty my house is without my brothers, they are away at a bucks. I wonder if this is what my house was like when i left for a month. I realised with my fight with Daniel that sometimes you need to just stand your ground and fight those battles that generally you let him win. I realised Tiz and I havnt spoken as much over the last week or so, and I'm so happy that things are finally working out with her and Elie. But I feel like as bad at it is, we were united in our broken hearts. I realise that I miss my best friend, and eventually a boy will come along and take her away. I realise that the deleting of certain phone numbers was the right thing to do, even thou it was painful at the time. Because I've relapsed quite a few times, but with no phone number. No form of contact. It has been my only saviour.
Fate decides who walks into your life. Its you thou that decides who stays, who you let walk away, and who you refuse to ever let leave.