I think I'm addicted to Ebay. And, addicted could maybe be an understatement. I love it. Always have. Ive been trying to work out what the addiction is. I'm not really a shopping girl, but there is just something about Ebay. I was thinking about why earlier and the only thing i can put it down to is - the thrill. I'm like that with most weaknesses in my life. My main two - Ebay and Boys that are bad for my mental health.
The thing is, usually I don't actually want the product (Okay sometimes i reallllllllly do) But most times its a game. Its the thrill of trying to win, its the unpredictability that keeps you tied in. Its not knowing whats going to happen next, the up and the downs, the constant struggle to win. The excitement. Today i bidded a dress from $59.95 all the way up to $96, back and forth within about 4minutes. I was on my phone and in the last minute the wireless decided to drop out. I lost. Its okay, cause i really didn't want the dress anyways, i mean i liked it, but i didn't LOVE it. I only decided i had to have it when some bitch decided to outbid me. See what i mean by game.
Its a competition. For some reason as soon as i cant have something i all of a sudden want it, even if i truly don't even want it. I'm the same with boys. The ones that throw themselves at me, and make so much effort i tear down. I rip them apart in my head and decide i just cant date them, something isn't working, and then the breakup happens. I don't deserve most of the guys that come my way. I attract the best kind. (yeah so we have established some are a little boring) But still the best.
And even thou i can freely admit this, i can also admit that i am truly still never satisfied. I want the ones... okay the ONE i cant have. The one that treats me like shit and leads me on. That does realise what he has. That doesn't realise nobody will make the effort for him like i have, and will. And the worst bit is, ill put 300% into a relationship that was doomed from the beginning, ill invest so much emotionally into someone that isn't even emotionally open to me, and yet when i have exactly what i need in front of me, willing to give me everything and more - i get bored and only ever put 20%. And that's if he is lucky.
Ive never been one for stability, that's probably why i enjoy the ups and downs, i crave the challenge. My brain starts to freak out when things go too smoothly. Its not what I'm used too. Ive got the 'boys that are bad for my mental helth' down packed. Haven't spoke to him in nearly two weeks. And I'm going to try stop writing off all the good ones. I probably should give the boring ones a fair go. And maybe ill stop spending all my money on Ebay. Hmmmmm. Nah. Ebay can stay. Hey, two out of three ain't bad.
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