Utter confusion.

Did you miss me? Who am i kidding you don't exist! Lol. Hey blog. So, I didn't write yesterday not because i had nothing to write, but because i had too much to write ! My brain was on overload for so much of yesterday. I'm confused. And i know telling you will help me put it out there, but it wont help me make a decision. Your nobody. You don't talk back. You don't tell me what i should and shouldn't do. So even after this massive essay/rant/blog whatever you want to call it, even after this, i will still be at square one.

But OK let me tell you whats bothering me anyways. Next week, i have two job interviews. Amazing jobs. Things I've always wanted to do, one is in journalism the other is in Event Management. I have everything they want and more, and i know ill hit both interviews out of the park (please die at my confidence?) No really but, I'm just one of those people, i don't get nervous, i go in there and do what needs to be done. I thrive under pressure and i get along with anyone. So interviews are a breeze for me. And like i said, greatttt jobs.

But my ultimate plan of Europe this year, is down the drain if i take one of these. If i end up in a new job, Europe realistically is only 5 months away. We are already in February. Nobody is going to give me 6 weeks leave when I've only been with them for under 5 months. And i don't even want 6 weeks leave. I want at leas two months. I want more than that. I don't want to do 20 countries in 45 days. I want to experience them, live, then get a car and drive from Prague to Berlin, And from Berlin to the Netherlands, Amsterdam, Belgium, France. Then do fashion week in Milan, explore Rome. Fly from Rome to Spain - And that's just Western Europe. I want to work my way around, and when i say work. I mean work, like set up in Prague for a month and work. Live in Europe. I want to follow summer around the world. And if i love it so much maybe ill stay and put up with the -4degree winters. My destiny is not in Australia, and its definitely not in Sydney.

But to do Europe, i will need to quit my ultimate jobs. Like i said, nobody is giving me the time off. And i know what your thinking - isn't a career more important than a stupid overseas trip. Yeah, i cant wait to be in a job i love and a career i love, but once i get into it i want to really get into it. And to me its not stupid, i know in my heart i will always have this desire to travel so i don't want to get into a dead end job and never be able to do this. As the years go on this is going to be more and more impossible.

My interviews are Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'm just going to go from there. If they even offer me the jobs, and they are too good to pass up, then i suppose Europe will have to wait. I'm still so confused. Europe is something I've been working towards and wanted for so long. But is it stupid to pass up such an opportunity if i get it? I secretly hope i don't get the jobs. Is that bad? I wish somebody tell me what to do !! No point asking my friends. I know what they would say already. Tiz would tell me to do what makes me happy. Assad the same. Sarkis and Daniel would tell me, take the job! Coco would tell me to do Europe cause its all Ive ever wanted for as long as he has known me. Eve the same. Tammy will Tell me to just move to china while I'm at it because I'm so Bi-polar! William would tell me to never leave. He didn't even want me to go to Lebanon. But that doesn't help, cause at the end of the day they will all let me do what i want if i decide otherwise. I don't need advice, i need someone to TELL me what to do.

Sometimes i wish i was just one of those girls that dreams of wedding dresses and husbands, in big houses with millions of children, just baking cakes all day. How simple life would be. If only that was the extent of my imagination.